The list for October 21, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You’ve Just
Bought a Stolen Car
Bought a Stolen Car
- When you ask why spare tire is in back seat, salesman winks and says, “Let’s just say the trunk is full.”
- Your new Fiat *huge* glass sunroof, and it was “only driven on Sundays by a little old Catholic man.” You do the math.
- Regardless of the cool hood ornament, you’re pretty sure Ferrari doesn’t make trucks.
- Seller explains that he needs to sell his trusty Trans-Am in the next half hour “because it doesn’t fit my image as National Spokesman for Promise Keepers.”
- Damn thing attracts more cops than a burglary at Dunkin’ Donuts.
- Although the seller swears it belongs to his mom, there’s a toupee on the dash, bite marks on the steering wheel, and the “pink slip” is an actual undergarment.
- The vanity plate doesn’t say “DLR”, it says “DRUG DLR”.
- “Previous owner” insisted the transaction take place at the docks at 1:00 a.m., and keeps asking, “You sure you’re not a cop?”
- Rear bench has integrated baby seat with real integrated baby included.
- You bought it outside a football stadium, it’s shaped like a hot dog, and there’s a guy dressed in a bun chasing after you.
- You’re an accountant named Mort who is suddenly being chased by a car full of “crips.”
- Turns out that wasn’t Mariah Carey on the radio, it was the theft alarm going off.
- Backseat contains fifteen dead clowns.
- While the 10-year, 100,000-mile warranty is awfully generous, it’s written on the back of a napkin from Hooters.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Just Bought a Stolen Car…
- Instead of that “new car smell”, it smells like 5-10 in Sing Sing.
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CREDITS
Selected from 110 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- R.M. Weiner, Somerville, MA — 1 (3rd #1)
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 2
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 2, 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 3
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 4, 7, 10 (Hat Trick!)
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 5, 6
- Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 7
- Joel McClure, Royal Oak, MI — 7, Banner Tag
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 8
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 8
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 9, 13
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 10
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 11
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 12
- Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 14
- Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 14
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 14
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 15
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
- The Cars, Boston, MA — Ambience
T5102197