Signs You’ve Hired the Wrong Elvis Impersonator

The list for July 30, 1996

The Top 15 Signs You’ve Hired
the Wrong Elvis Impersonator

Blue suede shoes replaced by pink fuzzy bunny slippers.
3rd encore of “What’s So Funny ‘Bout Peace, Love, and Understanding?”
His white rhinestone studded jumpsuit has “Mr. Goodwrench” written on it.
He has a voice like Kerri Strug’s.
You’re pretty sure Elvis never covered “Smells Like Teen Spirit.”
After three silent “interpretations” of Elvis hits, you realize that you hired “Memphis Marcel”, the world’s only Elvis mime.
Entirely too much moon-walking.
Opens the show with a thunderous rendition of “New York, New York.”
Speaks only in German and buys BMW’s for complete strangers.
Forget “Early Elvis” — he sounds more like “Post-Mortem Elvis.”
Show consists solely of eating a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich and belching.
The distinctive curled lip is held in place with scotch tape.
His version of “Hound Dog” involves peeing on your leg.
Insists on conducting macrobiotic cooking demonstrations between sets.

And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Hired the Wrong Elvis Impersonator…

During “Love Me Tender,” drops trou and introduces “Little Elvis,” in his own white sequined jumpsuit.

CREDITS

Selected from 106 submissions by 30 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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