Signs You’ve Hired an Ex-Spice Girl

The list for June 5, 1998
The Top 16 Signs You’ve
Hired an Ex-Spice Girl

  1. Fifteen minutes on the job, and she’s already gotten herself banned from using the intercom.

  2. She can’t answer the phone until you duct-tape the receiver to her head.

  3. Giggles uncontrollably every time you mention that it’s an "entry level position."

  4. Application states that she has experience "wurking as a parte of a small grupe of hiely tallunted peepal."

  5. Your building is filled with crying, screaming kids — and you *don’t* work at Nike.

  6. Before signing contract, asks if there may be possible conflicts with previous contract with Satan.

  7. She has to sing that little ABC song 5 or 6 times for every invoice she files.

  8. Refers to you as "Balding Fat-Ass Boss Spice."

  9. Cheaper than Viagra and only slightly more artificial, your newest nursing home attendant has been particularly well received by the HMOs.

  10. She finished vacuuming the dishes and waxing the carpets, but she ran out of Brillo pads washing the Benz.

  11. Her HTML coding really, really, really sucks.

  12. Attendance on "Casual Friday" skyrockets due to the increased possibility of rogue nipple sightings.

  13. Every day, it’s the same routine: Coffee break…retrain; Lunch…retrain; Coffee break…retrain.

  14. With a skirt that high, it’s either a Spice Girl or Ally McBeal.

  15. She thinks MS Word is a rap artist.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Hired an Ex-Spice Girl…

  1. She fits right in with all the other untalented boobs who work for you.
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CREDITS
Selected from 144 submissions from 54 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Gerard McDonald, New Haven, CT — 1 (2nd #1)
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 2, 13
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 3
  • Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3, 12, Topic
  • Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 4
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 5
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 5
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 6
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 7
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 8
  • Rob Winchell, Arlington, MA — 9, 11
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 10
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 12
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 14
  • Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 15
  • Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 16
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU List Name
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Red Hot Chili Peppers, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
T5060598

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