The list for June 19, 1996
The Top 17 Signs You’ve Had Too Much
To Drink at Your Company Picnic
To Drink at Your Company Picnic
- You loosen your tie, despite the dirty looks from the other accountants.
- You brazenly blurt out the percentage of mouse feces and rat hair that the FDA allows in hotdogs.
- Your perfect Elvis impersonation goes terribly awry when that big wave of nausea kicks in.
- You decide to show the boss YOUR version of a golden parachute.
- Bernie from accounting admonishes, “Slow down, pal. This ain’t no Kennedy reunion!”
- The people in charge of the Diversity Program don’t seem to care much for your Buckwheat impersonation.
- You resurrect that old “Pull My Finger” routine for the folks from the home office.
- Your overly enthusiastic karaoke rendition of “Beat It” lands you in jail for public lewdness.
- You organize an “Armpit Orchestra” to play “Hail to the Chief” when the CEO arrives.
- You offer to teach the boss your procedure for making “Butt Xeroxes.”
- You attempt to qualify for the 3 legged race — solo.
- You remember *what* to kiss, but forget *whose*.
- Evidently a bear’s not the only one who can shit in the woods.
- You keep calling your boss “Boo-Boo” and bugging him to help you look for “pic-a-nic” baskets.
- Last words you utter before passing out? “Slide, you fat bastard! Slide!”
- Everytime CEO pauses during big speech, you scream, “FREEBIRD!!”
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Had Too Much To Drink at Your Company Picnic…
- “But everybody pees in the pool!”
Not from the diving board, my friend.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 122 submissions by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 1, 3
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 2
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 4
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 5
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 6
- Mick McLean, Laramie, WY — 7, 16
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 7*
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC — 7
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 7
- Pete Brittingham, Titusville, NJ — 7
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 8, Topic
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 9
- Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 10
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 11 (Hall of Famer)
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 12
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 13
- Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 14
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 15
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 17
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