Signs You’ve Had Too Much To Drink at Your Company Picnic

The list for June 19, 1996
The Top 17 Signs You’ve Had Too Much
To Drink at Your Company Picnic

  1. You loosen your tie, despite the dirty looks from the other accountants.

  2. You brazenly blurt out the percentage of mouse feces and rat hair that the FDA allows in hotdogs.

  3. Your perfect Elvis impersonation goes terribly awry when that big wave of nausea kicks in.

  4. You decide to show the boss YOUR version of a golden parachute.

  5. Bernie from accounting admonishes, “Slow down, pal. This ain’t no Kennedy reunion!”

  6. The people in charge of the Diversity Program don’t seem to care much for your Buckwheat impersonation.

  7. You resurrect that old “Pull My Finger” routine for the folks from the home office.

  8. Your overly enthusiastic karaoke rendition of “Beat It” lands you in jail for public lewdness.

  9. You organize an “Armpit Orchestra” to play “Hail to the Chief” when the CEO arrives.

  10. You offer to teach the boss your procedure for making “Butt Xeroxes.”

  11. You attempt to qualify for the 3 legged race — solo.

  12. You remember *what* to kiss, but forget *whose*.

  13. Evidently a bear’s not the only one who can shit in the woods.

  14. You keep calling your boss “Boo-Boo” and bugging him to help you look for “pic-a-nic” baskets.

  15. Last words you utter before passing out? “Slide, you fat bastard! Slide!”

  16. Everytime CEO pauses during big speech, you scream, “FREEBIRD!!”
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Had Too Much To Drink at Your Company Picnic…

  1. “But everybody pees in the pool!”
    Not from the diving board, my friend.
Selected from 122 submissions by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 1, 3
  • Dave George, Arlington, VA — 2
  • Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 4
  • Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 5
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 6
  • Mick McLean, Laramie, WY — 7, 16
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 7*
  • Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC — 7
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 7
  • Pete Brittingham, Titusville, NJ — 7
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 8, Topic
  • Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 9
  • Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 10
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 11 (Hall of Famer)
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 12
  • Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 13
  • Perry Friedman, Menlo Park, CA — 14
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 15
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 17

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