Signs You’ve Gone to the Wrong Tattoo Parlor

The list for July 18, 1996
The Top 19 Signs You’ve Gone
to the Wrong Tattoo Parlor

  1. Only does patterns by Laura Ashley.

  2. While working on your back, he keeps mumbling, "Damn, you breathed again."

  3. Sundays feature their "Number of the Beast" special.

  4. Needles sterilized with a quick dip in a shot of Cuervo.

  5. Recently had their grant revoked by the National Endowment for the Arts.

  6. Doesn’t offer option between "young Elvis" and "Vegas Elvis."

  7. A thousand head of cattle in the waiting room.

  8. Artist keeps knocking back slugs from the bottle of rubbing alcohol "just to steady the ol’ nerves."

  9. Work samples on the walls are actual pieces of skin.

  10. "Whaddaya mean you DON’T want a swastika?!!?"

  11. You ask for roses intertwined around a logic diagram of a basic 4-bit integer divide circuit, and they just have NO IDEA.

  12. Your appointment is always being rescheduled to accommodate some die-hard KISS fan.

  13. Mickey Rourke carried out on a stretcher as you arrive.

  14. There is an indescribable, existential malaise in the air.

  15. Tipper Gore in next chair getting her hair done.

  16. The only bikes parked outside are Schwinns and Huffys.

  17. You’re served petit fours and cappuccino while waiting.

  18. Nothing sterile in sight, unless you count the employees with their court-ordered vasectomies.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Gone to the Wrong Tattoo Parlor…

  1. Your "Jesus on the Cross" constantly mistaken for "Gabe Kaplan Playing Golf."
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CREDITS
Selected from 131 by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL– 1, 19, Topic (2nd #1)
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 2
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX– 3, 11
  • Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 4
  • Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 5
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 6
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 7
  • Gail Celio, E. Lansing, MI — 8
  • Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 9
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 10
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 12
  • Jim Louderback, New York, NY — 12, 19
  • Norman Kenney, Carlsbad, CA — 12
  • Lisa Stepaniak & gang, Dearborn, MI — 13
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 13
  • Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA — 13
  • David Hyatt, New York, NY — 14, 16
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 15
  • Larry Baum, La Jolla, CA– 16
  • Ericka Fowler, New York, NY — 17
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Listmeister
T5071896

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