Signs You’ve Chosen the Wrong Mount Everest Guide

The list for September 16, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You’ve Chosen
the Wrong Mount Everest Guide

  1. The last three days, all you’ve had to eat is s’mores.

  2. Every morning greets the group with, "Wonder who’ll die today?"

  3. Doesn’t worry about provisions, as there’s bound to be a Starbucks or McDonalds every half mile or so.

  4. Gets lost in the "Sherpa Shack Gift Shop."

  5. Makes everyone do upside down shots off the St. Bernard’s collar.

  6. First day’s preparation devoted entirely to making snow angels.

  7. Every 10 minutes, stops and yells, "RICOLA."

  8. Throws a fit when her stiletto heel gets stuck in the ice.

  9. Has everyone stick their tongues to a cherry popsicle "for practice."

  10. Keeps repeating, "Is it me, or is it cold up here?"

  11. "Map, schmap — you see the top from here!!"

  12. Two words: Golf Clubs.

  13. Forgets to wear socks with his sandals.

  14. Keeps using the oxygen tanks to make balloon animals.

  15. Every so often, turns and screams, "Stop following me!"
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Chosen the Wrong Mount Everest Guide…

  1. Squeezes your ass then yells, "Hey, if we get stranded we can live off Tubby here for a week!"
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CREDITS
Selected from 113 submissions from 43 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 1 (6th #1)
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
  • Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 3
  • Joel McClure, Royal Oak, MI — 4, 14
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 5
  • Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 6
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 7, 16
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 8, Topic
  • Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 9
  • Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 10, 15
  • Kim Moser, New York, NY — 11
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 12
  • Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 13
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 14
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Banner Tag (E-mail address withheld by request)
  • Chris White, New York, NY — Owner/editor
  • Leslie West, Los Angeles, CA — Ambience
T5091697

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