Signs You’ve Chosen the Wrong Date for Valentine’s Day

The list for February 11, 1997

The Top 15 Signs You’ve Chosen the
Wrong Date for Valentine’s Day

Her eyes say “Yes” but her probation officer says “No.”
When sober, he looks like Beavis. When drunk, he looks like Butthead.
Sure, the Mapplethorpe exhibit was provocative, but now you’re stuck with those tickets for “Wrestlemania VI.”
The big lug knows how to hang onto a girl, but clinging to the roof of the Empire State Building isn’t your idea of a romantic evening.
He’s hired three naked kids with little bows and arrows to “set the mood.”
Upon closer inspection, that label reads, “Victoria’s Secretions.”
“Would you like some more wine, Mom?”
Any combination of the words “Susan” and “Powter” on her driver’s license.
She tells the *waiter* that she isn’t wearing any underwear.
He keeps hitting you up for a $33.5 million loan.
His 10 words-per-minute typing means you spend most of the night staring at your monitor.
The “hit” by the Giancomo Family was traumatic enough, but NOW you’re stuck with the check.
Instead of “saying it with flowers,” he says it with squash.
C’mon, webmaster AND part-time model? She’s got to be making this stuff up.

And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Chosen the Wrong Date for Valentine’s Day…

CREDITS

Selected from 119 submissions from 38 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5021197