The list for January 9, 1998
The Top 15 Signs You’ve
Caught the Chicken Flu
Caught the Chicken Flu
- Fever – check; chills – check; uncontrollable urge to defecate on the windshield of your neighbor’s Ford Escort – check.
- Mom makes you a nice hot bowl of human soup.
- You feel a darkening in the force, as though a million little chicken souls were suddenly snuffed out.
- You just served your kids regurgitated cornmeal for dinner again.
- You have the strange urge to smother your breasts with spaghetti sauce & parmesan cheese.
- You lose your job at the drive-thru when you start asking customers, "Would you like some gravel with that?"
- Only medicines that help at all are Kaopecktate and NyQuill.
- Showing your pecker in public no longer results in an embarrassing arrest.
- Sudden irrational fear of hot sauce and blue cheese dressing.
- Your new marketing plan wasn’t the only thing that laid an egg at the staff meeting.
- You find yourself coughing up Lung McNuggets.
- Receptionist buzzes you with "Five cleaver-wielding Chinese officials to see you, sir."
- That annoying rooster on the neighbor’s farm now seems, well, kinda sexy.
- Suddenly, you’re deliriously happy to work for chicken feed.
And the Number 1 Sign You’ve Caught the Chicken Flu…
- Suicidal urge to climb into a hot tub full of boiling teriyaki sauce or a big plastic bag of Shake ‘n’ Bake.
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CREDITS
Selected from 133 submissions from 51 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 1 (1st #1!)
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 1, 7 (5th #1)
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 2
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 3
- Gene Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 4
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 5
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 6
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 8
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 8
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 9
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 10
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 11
- Jennifer Markes, West Hollywood, CA — 12
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- Dan Signer, Studio City, CA — 14
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 14
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 15
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 15
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — Topic
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — Topic
- Doug Rendall, Winthrop Harbor, IL — Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Johnny Rivers, Whereabouts Unknown — Ambience
T5010998
