The list for July 3, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You’re Too
Old to Still Be a Virgin
Old to Still Be a Virgin
- You’ve resorted to cruising AARP meetings.
- Impressed by your streak, Cal Ripken sends YOU fan letters.
- Your home state? Arkansas. Your age? 12.
- When you slip into something more comfortable, it’s usually a coma.
- Every night at home, your mother reminds you that all the other Supreme Court justices have had sex.
- Black lace garter belt now attaches to your Depends.
- Dating criteria have fallen from "rich and attractive" to "breathing."
- When ogling the pool boy, you find yourself coveting his comfortable-looking sandals.
- The only tongue action you have enough energy for is to pop those dentures back in place.
- When your date suggests you "get nasty," you start picking your nose.
- You’re the King of Pop, for crying out loud.
- Mind addled by lack of sex, you find yourself standing at the altar next to John Tesh.
- "Going all the way" takes on a new meaning, thanks to Metamucil.
- Saving yourself for Ringo seemed like a groovy idea at the time.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Too Old to Still Be a Virgin…
- Last young man you smiled at seductively escorted you across the street.
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CREDITS
Selected from 135 submissions from 47 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 1 (14th #1)
- Jennifer O. Gall, Los Angeles, CA — 2
- Patrick Kachurek, Ann Arbor, MI — 3
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL — 4
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 5
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 6
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 7
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 8
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 9
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 10
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 11, 15
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 12
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 13
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 14
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — Runner Up list name
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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