The list for November 27, 1996
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
While regular editor Chris White is vacationing at Club Med Austin,
The Top Five List will be brought to you by a series of guest hosts.
Today’s guest host is Kermit Woodall, who sends in the
list from the former murder capitol of the United States
(“and we’re shooting for #1 again this year!”), Richmond, VA.
There will be no lists on Thursday and Friday.
For better or worse, Chris will put down his beloved bottle
of Negra Modelo beer and return from vacation on Monday.
The Top Five List will be brought to you by a series of guest hosts.
Today’s guest host is Kermit Woodall, who sends in the
list from the former murder capitol of the United States
(“and we’re shooting for #1 again this year!”), Richmond, VA.
There will be no lists on Thursday and Friday.
For better or worse, Chris will put down his beloved bottle
of Negra Modelo beer and return from vacation on Monday.
Here’s wishing everyone a great Thanksgiving holiday.
The Top 14 Signs You’re Too Old to be an Astronaut
- Your resume includes that job as Strom Thurmond’s nanny.
- You’re really looking forward to seeing the Ottoman Empire from space.
- Your historic moonwalk speech? “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!”
- Being on oxygen, wearing a waste bag, and eating pureed vegatables through a straw are old hat to you.
- Your ’96 bid for the presidency didn’t quite pan out.
- You can’t remember the last time you experienced lift-off, if you know what I mean.
- Forget the “Vomit Comet” test plane — you failed the “turnstile” test.
- NASA fits you for a spacesuit support bra — but you’re not female.
- “Houston, we’re venting some sort of gas out into space… no wait, it’s just me.”
- NASA isn’t all that impressed that you already get all your meals from a tube.
- You can no longer see over the Shuttle steering wheel without your cushion.
- During take-off you keep yelling, “If you kids don’t knock off that racket, I’m turning this thing around and we’re going straight home!”
- Demand that liftoff be delayed because of time conflict with reruns of “Murder, She Wrote” and “Matlock.”
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Too Old to be an Astronaut…
- The last time you heard talk of “strange rings around Uranus,” it was from your doctor.
.
CREDITS
Selected from roughly 100 submissions by 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 1, 6 (4th #1)
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 2, 12
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 3
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 4
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 5
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 7
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 8
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 9
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 10
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 11
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 12
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 14
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — Topic
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — Editor
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