Signs You’re Not Nanny Material

The list for November 12, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You’re Not Nanny Material

  1. Your "license" is from the Nevada State Athletic Commission.

  2. When prospective employers ask what your thoughts are on discipline, you simply point to your 5-inch stiletto heels.

  3. Your bedtime story to the kids consists of telling them that the Sandman will rip their faces off if they don’t go right to sleep.

  4. No more free evenings since you became "Trevor, pantsless defender of the night!"

  5. Your solution to every problem: Your homemade "Kiddie Nunchuck"

  6. Your only experience with children involves the baby doll dress and Shirley Temple wig the escort agency made you wear.

  7. Your version of Rock-A-Bye-Baby involves an actual tree top.

  8. You always seem to choose "Sex with boyfriend" over "Dinner for kids."

  9. You bring over some dingoes to watch the baby while you’re out.

  10. "Spoonful of sugar" may work for Mary Poppins, but nothing beats a shot of Nyquil and leather restraints for *real* child control.

  11. Tendency to check tyke’s temperature with a meat thermometer.

  12. Your brilliant new concept: Garbage bag cinched at baby’s waist = 10-day diaper

  13. You’re Super-cali-fragil-istic-expi-ali-psycho.

  14. Burping the baby involves a sixer of Bud and a Beefy Tostada.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Not Nanny Material…

  1. "Hey! Simon didn’t say, ‘Breathe’!!"
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CREDITS
Selected from 127 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 1, 6 (6th #1)
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 2
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3, 4
  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 5
  • Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 6
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7, Runner Up list name
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 8, 13
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 9
  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 10
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 11
  • Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL — 12
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 14
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 15
  • Joel McClure, Royal Oak, MI — Banner Tag
  • Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
  • Eddie Money, Chicago, IL — Ambience
T5111297

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