The list for May 29, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You’re
Not Graduating This Term
Not Graduating This Term
- You planned on being there, but they moved the trial to Denver.
- You’re on a football scholarship at Oklahoma.
- You get a snide letter from Admissions recommending a summer course in "Remedial Tuition Payment."
- You don’t feel you’ve yet done sufficient field research on your thesis topic: "The Munchies: What Causes Them?"
- You spent over $400 on new books this semester, but over $40,000 on beer and pizza.
- Final: "Calculate the load-bearing capacity of a bituminous concrete mix." You: Calculated the vomit-producing capacity of mixing tequila and beer the night before the exam.
- NBC and CBS feature live, round-the-clock coverage of your frat dorm.
- You won the Heisman, the Nike commercial shoot is tomorrow and you haven’t been to class since late November.
- Six years of college and all you’ve learned are the lyrics to "Louie, Louie."
- Your cap and gown are made of paper and have "Campus Food Service" written on them.
- You’re still an undergrad, but the faculty grants you tenure.
- Your blood alcohol level is consistently higher than your GPA.
- Only sheepskin you’ll see this summer is in the barn.
- Your tassel comprises half of your work uniform.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Not Graduating This Term…
- You got all "A’s," but your name is Hester Prynne.
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CREDITS
Selected from 110 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 1 (1st #1)
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 2, 3
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 2
- Fred Hesby, Portland, OR — 4, 6
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 4
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 5
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 6 (Rookie!)
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 7
- Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 8
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 9
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 10
- Tisha Stacey, Lisle, IL — 11
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 12
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 14
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 15
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — Topic
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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