Signs You’re Not Getting Enough Sleep

The list for May 30, 2013

The Top 17 Signs You’re
Not Getting Enough Sleep

You just spent $2000 to have a Nespresso machine installed in the glove box of your minivan.
The sleep lab doc sounds an alarm and immediately puts you under level 4 quarantine.
You fall asleep while bringing a forkful of food to your mouth, then wake up when you jab yourself in the eye.
During your appointment at the sleep clinic to determine why you’re not getting enough sleep, you nod off and dream that you’re on your way to an appointment at the sleep clinic to determine why you’re not getting enough sleep, when s
Everybody you pass thinks you want to eat their brains.
You realize your shoes don’t match. At 4:30 in the afternoon. And one of them belongs to your wife.
You find yourself nodding off during the "help yourselves to the bagels" part of the staff meeting.
You recklessly hit on bikers, hoping they’ll cold-cock you.
Not only do you barely remember the lap dances, you didn’t even realize you were visiting Grams in the rest home.
You swerve to avoid that glowing Lunesta butterfly.
Your forehead keeps updating your Facebook status as "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz" during your morning commute.
When you finally fall asleep, you dream of napping.
Your last yawn temporarily halted the earth’s rotation.
Your doctor suggests you add the bags under your eyes to your organ donor form for use in scrotum transplants.
Your frat brothers went through a whole case of Sharpies last weekend.
After you walk the baby, you’re too tired to change the dog.

And the Number 1 Sign You’re Not Getting Enough Sleep…

Your breakfast consists of juice, toast, and a hearty bowl of Cocaine Frosted Honey Bunches of Meth.

CREDITS

Selected from 91 submissions from 35 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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