The list for November 11, 1996
The Top 12 Signs You’re Being
Stalked by a Farm Animal
Stalked by a Farm Animal
- Every morning at the bus stop, that same pig is reading the newspaper — upside down.
- Whenever you cross the road, so does that damned chicken!
- That foul smell, and you’re not with your beer drinking buddies.
- Heavy bleating on the other end of the phone.
- Silhouette of knife-wielding Holstein appears on your shower curtain.
- Everywhere you go, the bell! The bell!! THE BELL!!!
- You find a knit cap and four bloody gloves.
- You keep hearing, “Oink oink,” and there isn’t a See’n’Say toy in sight.
- After an ugly breakup with Flopsy, you find Glenn Close floating in a pot on your stove.
- While baking custard pie, you step in cow pie.
- All 84 Caller ID entries read, “Babe.”
And the Number 1 Sign You’re Being Stalked by a Farm Animal…
- Note on your doorstep says, “We’ll see who’s laughing at Thanksgiving this year, Ginsu Boy!”
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CREDITS
Selected from 115 submissions by 43 contributors.<
Today’s list authors were:
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 1, Topic (1st #1!)
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 2
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 3
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 5
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 6
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 7
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 8
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 9
- Larry Baum, Hong Kong — 9
- Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 9
- Gene/Cynthia Markins-Dieden, CT — 9
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 10
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 11
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 12
- Gerard McDonald, New York, NY — 12
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 12
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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