The list for September 9, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You’re
at a Bad Tailgate Party
at a Bad Tailgate Party
- Instead of lighting a barbecue grill you whack at the Pinto’s bumper with sledge hammers.
- Earlier that day, that same tailgate was keeping 400 pounds of manure from falling out the back of the truck.
- “What’ll ya have — Veggie frank or Tofu burrito?”
- Jerry Jones starts to slice the garlic bread before Barry Switzer remembers he hid his six-shooter there.
- The dried apricots all look suspiciously like Evander Holyfield’s ear.
- USDA SWAT team seen staking out the cooler.
- Topless babes dancing on hood of next car turn out to be your daughters.
- The rest of the crowd doesn’t seem to despise the St. Mary’s Elementary Tigers as much as you.
- Opposing team’s mascot takes a leak on your hibachi.
- You tell a couple people there will be free beer and babes, the next thing you know you’ve got a Kennedy family reunion on your hands.
- Skippy’s grandma won’t stop asking if anyone wants more toast.
- This band “Promise Keepers” better be good ’cause their groupies sure are lame.
- The Chateau-Neuf-de-Pape has been improperly decanted, the vichyssoise is tepid, and the canapés are pedestrian, at best.
- According to the invitation, your host’s name is John and the party starts at 3:15.
- Tread marks on the “roast.”
And the Number 1 Sign You’re at a Bad Tailgate Party…
- You ask for a brat and Shannon Doherty sits down next to you.
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 1 (2nd #1)
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 2, Topic
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 3
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 4
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 4, 16
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 5, 6
- Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 7
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 8
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 8
- Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 9, 14
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 10
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 11
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 12
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 13
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 14
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 14
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 14
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 15
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 16
- David Hoffmann, Fort Worth, TX — Banner Tag
- Hank Williams, Jr., Nashville, TN — Ambience
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