The list for February 9, 1998
The Top 16 Signs You’re at a Bad
Figure-Skating Competition
Figure-Skating Competition
- Sponsored by Acme Ass Pads.
- “Would the holder of lucky ticket #2220 please report to the concourse level to receive a whack on the knee with a crowbar!”
- The Chili-Powered Competition is a real turnoff.
- The highest marks for technical merit are given to Boom Boom Magorsky, Zamboni driver.
- Starbucks logo tattooed on the ass of every skater.
- Judges not impressed by your “Oh! Calcutta!” routine despite the rather obvious effects of the cold air.
- “And now, singing our national anthem, please welcome Fran Drescher!”
- First time you’ve seen points awarded for a “Triple Klutz” and “Triple Putz.”
- The biggest cheer of the night occurs when the Zamboni runs down Elvis Stojko.
- The mixed pairs competition breaks down into an all-out grope-fest.
- During the pairs ice dancing, some crazed toothless Canadian cross-checks the couples into the boards.
- Thin ice on the lake results in three drownings before the prelims come up.
- Tara Lipinski cancels at last minute, is replaced by Monica Lewinsky.
- More butts hitting the ice than at the annual R.J. Reynolds Ice Fishing Tournament.
- Brian Boitano’s new program interprets history of male pattern baldness.
And the Number 1 Sign You’re at a Bad Figure-Skating Competition…
- Oksana Baiul is chipping ice out of the rink for margaritas.
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CREDITS
Selected from 156 submissions from 66 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (17th #1)
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 2
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 3
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 4
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 5, 13
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 5
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 6
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 6
- Rob Wells, Paris, France — 6
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 7, 15
- Sue Prifogle, Rushville, IN — 8
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 9, 11
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 9, 14
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 9, 16
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 9
- Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 9
- Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 9
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 10
- Kris Kettner, Fond du Lac, WI — 12
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — Topic
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — Runner Up list name
- Chris White, Los Angeles, CA– List owner/editor
- Jethro Tull, London, England — Ambience
- Jellyfish, San Francisco, CA — Ambience
T5020998
