Signs You’re Addicted to the Internet

The list for July 15, 1996

The Top 18 Signs You’re Addicted to the Internet

Any campground without a T1 line is OFF your vacation itinerary.
Wife calls you to dinner by posting to alt.food.
I.V. stand next to your mini tower.
Choice between paying Compuserve bill and paying for kids’ education is easy–if a little painful for your kids.
Your big pickup line is, “Haven’t we met on alt.addict.top5?”
Batteries in the TV remote now last for months.
You send in your Top Five List submissions while in the air over Oregon.
You hire a housekeeper for your home page.
New mail alarm on your palmtop annoys other churchgoers.
Your mouse-clicking forearm rivals Popeye’s.
AT&T names you Customer of the Month for the third consecutive time.
Your idea of socializing is sucking up to Chris White for the number one spot.
You unsuccessfully try to download pizza from www.dominos.com.
Your family conducts an intervention via e-mail and checks you into www.bettyford.com.
You rig your toilet to alert you if you receive any new mail while you’re “offline.”
You speak in a monotone voice and call your wife “Friday.” (Oops! That’s a Sign You’re Addicted to Dragnet!)
You’re surprised to learn there’s also a 2 o’clock in the *afternoon*.

And the Number 1 Sign You’re Addicted to the Internet…

CREDITS

Selected from 99 submissions by 31 contributors.

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