The list for August 16, 1996
The Top 16 Signs You’re About to Be Fired
- Security guard frisks you for office supplies every 15 minutes.
- In meetings, people respond to you with, “Yeah, whatever.”
- You just took a huge hit off the bong. (Oops! That’s a sign you’re about to be FRIED.)
- You find your picture on the company’s new sexual harassment brochure.
- You just spent an entire day in an e-mail debate about Hong Kong Phooey.
- Commandante yells “Ready… aim…”
- Co-workers chip in to buy you a subscription to “Daytime Soaps” magazine.
- Instead of chirping sound when you get e-mail, you hear a voice say, “Enjoy it while it lasts, loser!”
- Photocopying your ass no longer fashionable in the 90s.
- Your Pentium 200 was replaced with a Commodore 64 over the weekend.
- Human Resources calls to ask if you’re a member of the NRA.
- Mr. Steinbrenner introduces you to the press as “Manager for Life.”
- Boss casually asks how much TopFive contributors earn per year.
- After signing a multi-million, 3-year contract and starting the season 1-15, pitching coach suggests you try throwing with the other arm.
- There you are, a happy, successful network television executive, and then one day, out of nowhere — Bam! An original thought!
And the Number 1 Sign You’re About to Be Fired…
- Your nose ring fell into the deep fryer AGAIN!
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CREDITS
Selected from 108 submissions from 37 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 1, 8, 12 (1st #1!)
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 2, 5
- David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 3
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 4
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 4
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 4
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 4
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 4
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 6
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 6, 11
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 7
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 8
- Ward Bahner, Kansas City, MO — 9
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 10, 14
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 15
- Mystery Contributor, New York, NY — Topic
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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