Signs Your Windows 98 System Is About to Crash

The list for April 27, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Your Windows 98
System Is About to Crash

  1. The monitor is spinning 360, the floppy drive is spewing pea soup and the speakers are growling, "Your Mother codes blocks that fail!"

  2. "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do…"

  3. You learn Bill Gates’ monthly check to Beelzebub was returned for insufficient postage.

  4. The White House phones to say Al Gore is coming over to survey the damage.

  5. Your Palm Pilot starts shouting "Mayday! Mayday!"

  6. As the screen flickers, a Scottish voice screams, "Cap’n! She needs more RAM! She’s breakin’ up, Sir!"

  7. Tiny hoodlum appears on the screen and offers to sell you "MS Protection" for a modest fee.

  8. First time you’ve ever seen that "Happy Mac With A Chainsaw" icon.

  9. Bill Gates climbs out of a black helicopter in your back yard and offers you a cool million to keep your big mouth shut.

  10. You hear rumors of a new virus cunningly disguised as an e-mail message entitled, "Top5 – 4/27/98 – Signs WIN98 Will Crash."

  11. That flying window screensaver just morphed into a flaming Hindenburg.

  12. Knowing the procedure for vermin aboard a sinking ship, your mouse just high-tailed it into the other room.

  13. That tiny iceberg icon is getting larger by the minute.

  14. Your screensaver shows a little man committing suicide by sticking a screwdriver in a flying toaster.

  15. Before you can install more of the Professor’s coconut shell RAM, Gilligan decides to play minesweeper.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Windows 98 System Is About to Crash…

  1. An air bag deploys from your monitor and smacks you in the face.
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CREDITS
Selected from 104 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 1, 4 (7th #1)
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 1, 10 (4th #1)
  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (5th #1)
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 2, 4
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 3, 11
  • Annie Fisher, Philadelphia, PA — 4
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 4
  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 4
  • Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY — 5
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 6, 15, RU list name
  • Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 6
  • Peter Rogers, Boston, MA — 7
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 8, 9, Banner Tag
  • Rob Seulowitz, New York, NY — 12
  • Martell Stroup, Boston, MA — 13
  • Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 14
  • Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 15
  • Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 15
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 16
  • Mark Nielsen, Ohio State — Topic
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Pat Travers, somewhere in Canada — Ambience
T5042798

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