Signs Your Star Wide Receiver Has a Drug Problem

by | May 16, 1996 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for May 16, 1996
The Top 14 Signs Your Star
Wide Receiver Has a Drug Problem

  1. Defenders make him drop passes every time by shouting, "Hey look, a vial!"

  2. Urine specimen glows in the dark.

  3. Has his own "water boy", if you know what I mean.

  4. He demands a trade to the expansion franchise in Cartagena, Colombia.

  5. Continuously leaves game to answer incessant pages from Marion Barry.

  6. Hires Timothy Leary & Hunter S. Thompson as "personal trainers."

  7. Occasionally shoots officials for "Looking at me."

  8. Succeeds in forming a huddle all by himself.

  9. When told to abstain from sex and coffee the night before a game, asks if crack is OK.

  10. Last four superbowls? Wide awake.

  11. When asked what he’s going to do now that they’ve won the Super Bowl, responds, "I’m going to Bogata!"

  12. Greg Allman’s delivery van always parked in front of his house.

  13. Has his OWN hash marks.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Star Wide Receiver Has a Drug Problem…

  1. Every time he checks into Betty Ford Clinic, Colombian flags fly at half mast.
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CREDITS
Selected from 81 submissions from 24 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 1, 8, 13
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington. DC — 2
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 3 (Hall of Famer)
  • Greg Sherwin, Palo Alto, CA — 4, 10
  • David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 5
  • Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 6
  • Michael Wolf, Bronx, NY — 7
  • Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 9, 11, Topic
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, Ca — 12
T5051696