The list for July 20, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Your Spouse Is an Alien
- Has put over 3 million light years on the station wagon.
- Thinks "Friends" is hysterical.
- One trip to the in-laws nets you over a billion frequent flyer miles.
- Constantly arguing with siblings Tito and LaToya.
- Uses a Zarkan-English dictionary to prop up short end of cold-fusion-powered toaster.
- After neglecting birth control, you discover that you are "with zorbat."
- Replicates crop circles while mowing the lawn.
- Recently signed up for MCI’s Intergalactic Friends & Family plan.
- Suggests using Brillo pad as marital aid.
- Keeps referring to you as "ol’ two eyes."
- Laughs hysterically at Jerry Lewis movies, yet doesn’t like escargot.
- E-mail address: ET@alpha.centauri
- Sometimes adds levitation to that old "pull my finger" gag.
- Always salutes a flushing toilet.
- Nothing but fiberglass and beer in the fridge.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Spouse Is an Alien…
- Breast-feeds the triplets… simultaneously.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 133 submissions from 36 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Matthew Diamond, Holland, PA — 1 (1st #1!)
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 2
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY– 3, 16
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 4
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 5
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 6
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 6
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA– 7
- Brad Schreiber, Los Angeles, CA — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY– 9
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 9
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — 10
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 11
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL– 12
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 13
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 14
- Larry Baum, La Jolla, CA — 14
- Gerard McDonald, New York, NY — 15
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY– List owner/editor
- Full Spectrum Jazz, Silicon Valley, CA — Ambience
T5072098
