The list for September 27, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your New Car Is a Lemon
- The telltale green-and-yellow-make-blue Zip-Lok seals on your air bags.
- Ralph Nader’s home phone number written on dashboard.
- You realize too late that it *is* your father’s Oldsmobile.
- When you sit behind the wheel, a nerdy billionaire voice asks, “Where do you want to go today?”
- The hood ornament? An ostrich with its head in the sand.
- “Jaws of Life” in trunk.
- Bicycle pump required to inflate airbags.
- Turn on the wipers and two guys climb out of the trunk with squeegees.
- Disqualified from Soapbox Derby for lack of structural integrity.
- Car has spent more time on “60 Minutes” than on the road.
- Oil spills on your driveway prompt a visit from Greenpeace.
- Changing the pre-set radio stations voids the warranty.
- Two Words: Pontiac Sunkist
- Passenger-side “airbag” is actually Rush Limbaugh crammed inside your glove box.
- Manufactured in Zchkynk, Crzyktjkystan.
And the Number 1 Sign Your New Car Is a Lemon…
- Motor Trend never mentioned a “Chevrolet Caca.”
.
CREDITS
Selected from 158 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 1 (1st #1!)
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 1, 6 (1st #1!)
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 2, 7
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 3
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 4
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 5
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 7
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 8
- Galen Tatsuo Komatsu, Hawaii! — 9, Topic
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 10
- Don Horton, Sacramento, CA — 10, 12
- Kathleen Buchanan, Tuscaloosa, AL — 10
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 11
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 13
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 14
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 15
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 16
- Curt Bright, whereabouts unknown — Topic
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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