The list for May 28, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your
Memorial Day Weekend Sucked
Memorial Day Weekend Sucked
- Huge grill marks on your ass.
- Stay in the local burn ward now part of the family cookout tradition.
- Your secret weekend “get away” is actually a web site.
- Image of Grandpa in his Speedo is indelibly burned into your memory.
- Your improbable kebob skewer mishap headlines local paper.
- Just as you and the gang settled in to watch the Three Stooges Marathon, the FBI cut the power to your ranch.
- You can now lip-synch to that entire “Thighmaster” infomercial.
- Your barbeque fire consumed 10,000 acres.
- You attended the annual beef barbecue at the British Embassy.
- Regardless what the marriage license says, you don’t remember going to Vegas.
- Your five-year-old took the phrase “weiner roast” literally.
- Emulating that North Korean fighter pilot, neighborhood punks try to “defect” on your front lawn.
- While you baked in the sun, drinking buddies placed DUMBASS stencil on your forehead.
- Didn’t shoot your limit in San Diego’s Wild Animal Park.
- Held seance to raise spirits of dead war heros, only got Gomer Pyle.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Memorial Day Weekend Sucked…
- Your Ball Park Frank didn’t plump, if you know what I mean.
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CREDITS
Selected from 117 submissions by 47 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 1 (Hall of Famer)
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 2
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 3
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 4 (Hall of Famer)
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 5 (Hall of Famer)
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 6
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 7
- Yoram Puius, Bronx, NY — 8
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 8, 11
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 9
- David Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 10, 11
- Lev Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 10, 11
- Gene & Cynthia Markins-Dieden, New Haven, CT — 12 (Rookies!)
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 13
- Nancy Matus, Cardiff-by-the-Sea, CA — 14
- Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 15
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 16
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