The list for July 13, 1994
The Top 18 Signs Your Mechanic Is Losing It
- That photo of a naked A.J. Foyt on his wall.
- You catch him in his office making auto noises and “shifting gears”, if you know what I mean.
- Replaces your fan belt with a pair of bikini underwear.
- Embroidered “Mr. Bad-Ass Wrench” on his shirt.
- Hose from air pump leads into his coveralls.
- Keeps asking if you’re sure you don’t want a “lube job.”
- Still doing work for OJ and expecting to get paid.
- Eats Go-Jo off finger as if it were peanut butter.
- Giggles uncontrollably whenever anyone says, “lug nuts.”
- “Huh huh, he said ‘dipstick’. Huh huh, huh huh.”
- Keeps asking you if you’ve seen that episode of Gilligan’s Island where they almost get rescued, but Gilligan screws it up in the end.
- Believes your Hyundai is possessed by the spirit of Kim Il Sung.
- Replaces diagnostic computer with Magic 8 Ball.
- Urinates on your tire and says, “Just marking my turf.”
- Rewires the cruise control to the radio so that the faster the music, the faster your car goes.
- Owns no wrenches, but complete set of every size monkey.
- Looks suspiciously like Joe Piscopo. Wait a minute — He *IS* Joe Piscopo!
And the Number 1 Sign Your Mechanic Is Losing It…
- Won’t stop humming “The Wheels on the Bus Go ‘Round and ‘Round.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 135 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Paul E. Schindler Jr., Orinda, CA – 1
- Kris Lawrence, Greensboro, NC – 2, 8 (Rookie!)
- John Ruscio, Waltham, MA – 3 (Rookie!)
- David Pilkington, Lake Forest, IL – 4
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, Ca. – 5
- Joe Desiderio, New York, NY – 6 (Rookie!)
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD – 7
- Alkes Price, Philadelphia, PA – 9
- Michele Marie Beltran, Lansing, MI – 10, 16
- Kim Moser, New York, NY – 10
- Bill Burnett, Lexington, MA – 11
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN – 12
- Tim Blankenbaker, Washington, DC – 13
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA – 13
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL – 14
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC – 15
- Galen Tatsuo Komatsu, Hawaii – 17
- Bob Wells, Karlsruhe, Germany – 18
- Chris White, San Diego, CA – Topic
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