Signs Your Mayor Is Smoking Crack

The list for May 20, 2013
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
The Toronto Star dropped a bombshell
this week: A cellphone video that
appears to show Mayor Rob Ford
smoking crack is being shopped around
Toronto by a group of drug dealers.
The Top 14 Signs Your Mayor Is Smoking Crack

  1. Not only scoops the ceremonial first shovel at a ground-breaking, but single-handedly digs the rest of the foundation himself.

  2. Keeps passing all kinds of crazy rules, like regulating the size of soft drinks.

  3. Requests his pay in small, unmarked bills.

  4. Tries to sneak a "tobacco only" amendment onto the city law that bans office smoking.

  5. He’s just been named Mayor of Crack Village on Foursquare.

  6. Replaces key to the city with giant Bic lighter.

  7. His budget includes targeted incentives to small business owners specializing in the production of "homemade exotic crystals."

  8. Keeps yelling "Step off, Bitches!" at the police in his motorcade.

  9. Proposes changing the town’s motto to "Winning!"

  10. Announces that he’s solved the school system’s budget crisis by off-loading it for six rocks and a hand job.

  11. Abolishes sugary drinks, legalizes bath salts.

  12. Renames Frederick Douglass High School to Marion Barry Incredibly High School.

  13. Took the entire 2013 budget to Vegas and bet on the Cubs.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Mayor Is Smoking Crack…

  1. He asks that the City Council approve an emergency amendment to remind him where he is right now.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 70 submissions from 26 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Danny Gallagher, McKinney, TX — 1, 6 (36th #1)
  • Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL — 2
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 2
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 3, 4, 8 (Hat trick!)
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 5
  • Shaune R. Stark, Cedar Park, TX — 7
  • Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9
  • Andrew Hackard, Austin, TX — 10
  • Trish Jensen, Reedsville, PA — 11
  • Elliott Schiff, Allentown, PA — 12
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 13
  • Donald Johnson, Cincinnati, OH — 14
  • Douglas Frank, Crosby, TX — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
T5052013.shtml

Previous post:

Next post: