The list for August 7, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your Mate is Cheating on You
- Carpools with Divine Brown.
- Motel 6 names him “Customer of the Year.”
- Mysterious phone calls in the middle of the night from some guy named “President Bill.”
- You intercept a love note signed by all of the Oakland Raiders.
- That naked guy standing in the corner pretending to be a hat rack isn’t fooling anyone.
- Starts buying those lame excuses you give when you get home late from your mistress’s house.
- Glenn Close speeds by your house every twenty minutes.
- Models new lingerie, saying, “If you were my lover, would this turn you on?”
- The smell of Brut is all over her, and you’re strictly an Old Spice man.
- Asks you how you would feel about appearing on “Jenny Jones”.
- Every night: comes home late, carves another notch in the bedpost and giggles himself to sleep.
- The cat has that “I know something that you don’t know” look.
- Michael Irvin called her as a character witness.
- Closet full of Gideon Bibles.
- Raoul the pool-boy is always hanging around, and you have NO pool!
And the Number 1 Sign Your Mate is Cheating on You…
- Amy Fisher shoots you in the head.
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CREDITS
Selected from 124 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Lisa Stepaniak, Dearborn, MI — 1 (1st #1!)
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — 2
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 2, 11
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 2
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 2
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 3
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 4
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 5
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 6
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 7
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 8
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 9, 14
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 10
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 12
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 15
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 16
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
- Hank Williams, Sr., whereabouts unknown — Ambience
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