Signs Your March Madness Bracket Is Destined to Fail

The list for March 22, 2013
The Top 14 Signs Your March Madness
Bracket Is Destined to Fail

  1. Didn’t invest nearly as much research time as you did your fantasy ice-dancing league.

  2. You think "Gonzaga" is a euphemism for "breast."

  3. You have Indiana being upset in the first round because you were so pissed after suffering through that Shia LaBeouf/Crystal Skull garbage.

  4. A final of Dennis Rodman vs. Andy Dick indicates that you took the word "madness" a bit too literally.

  5. Five sleepless days and 1,700+ entries later, you look down to see that all your "winning teams" are "All work and no play make Jack a dull boy."

  6. The Julliard Fighting Beethovens aren’t as tough a team as you think.

  7. Dude, last time an Ivy League team made it to the Final Four, the rule book was chiseled in Incan.

  8. The College of Cardinals was disqualified from post-season play after a pontiff-shaving scandal.

  9. Your top seed? Sesame! Hey, you sentimentally picked your alma mater, Hamburger University.

  10. Temple University? Good. Temple Beth Shalom? Not so good.

  11. "How the hell is John Philip Sousa not even *in* the tournament?!?"

  12. Your "which mascot would win in a fight?" methodology yielded a final showdown between the Long Island University Ninja Pirates and the Iona Chuck Norrisses.

  13. Your Final Two? University of Phoenix vs Hogwarts.
And the Number 1 Signs Your March Madness Bracket Is Destined to Fail…

  1. Everyone in your office admires just how much effort and research you put into this crap.
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CREDITS
Selected from 73 submissions from 28 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 1 (54th #1)
  • Paul Wiley, Westtown, NY — 2
  • Carl Knorr, Devo City, OH — 3
  • Andy Krakowski, Alexandria, VA — 4, 14
  • Jill Gallagher, Seattle, WA — 5, 9
  • Vic Vitek, Hopewell Junction, NY — 6
  • Jeffrey Anbinder, New York, NY — 7
  • David E. Spiro, Tucson, AZ — 8
  • Mark D. Sabien, What Cheer, IA — 10, Topic
  • Tristan Fabriani, Passaic, NJ — 11, 13
  • Adela Branson, Soda Springs, ID — 12
  • Donald Junter, New Haven, CT — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, Olympia, WA — List owner/editor
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