Signs Your Luge Run Isn’t Going So Well

The list for February 20, 1998
The Top 15 Signs Your Luge
Run Isn’t Going So Well

  1. Sufficient speed? Check. Firm turns? Check. Pants? Uh oh.

  2. Four guys in a bobsled keep flashing their lights at you.

  3. Your wife runs alongside cheering for a good nine turns.

  4. Your "luge" is actually a tray from the Olympic Village Commissary.

  5. One bad bump finds you bulleting through Nagano’s sewer system.

  6. Your face seems to be creating more drag than the sled runners did.

  7. A flash of orange, a loud thump, and then "Oh my God, they killed Kenny! The bastards!"

  8. "Think I’ll use ‘Rosebud’ today."

  9. G-forces have peeled off both your suit and your Snowlets Underoos.

  10. Michelle Kwan just passed you.

  11. Faint odor of smoking buttcheeks getting stronger by the second.

  12. Beans for lunch + Spandex Suit = Hot Air Balloon

  13. Sure, the sundress is killer… but it’s wreaking havoc on your aerodynamics, dude.

  14. In retrospect, perhaps kissing the sled for good luck at 30 below wasn’t such a great idea.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Luge Run Isn’t Going So Well…

  1. Your partner breathlessly whispers that that’s not the emergency brake poking you in the back.
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CREDITS
Selected from 119 submissions from 44 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 1, 2 (4th #1)
  • Bob Mader, Knoxville, TN — 3
  • Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 4
  • Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 5
  • John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 6
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 7
  • Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA — 8
  • Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 8
  • Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 8
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 9
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 10, Runners Up list name
  • David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
  • Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 12
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
  • Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 14
  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 15
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 15
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — Topic
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
  • Joshua Redman, Harvard — Ambience
T5022098

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