The list for July 21, 1998
The Top 20 Signs Your List
Moderator Is Getting Old
Moderator Is Getting Old
- Now edits the list using only a Kraftmatic Adjustable Bed and The Clapper.
- Ambience – Steve & Edie
- Send your submissions in by 4 pm and receive the Early Bird Special.
- He sits through “Jurassic Park” shaking his head, mumbling, “No, that’s not how it was at all…”
- Wants to replace daily TOP5 humor list with daily TOP5 senior citizen discount list.
- Today’s topic? “Top 5 Retirement Homes for Top 5 List Moderators.”
- Every Monday, the same topic: “Top 5 Ways to Get Those Damn Kids Off of My Lawn!”
- Keeps trying to trade ad space on Top5 list for free meals at Denny’s.
- Today’s Topic: “Top 5 Signs Your Local Girlscout Leader is a Humorless Old Bag” (Oops! That’s a sign your list moderator is getting *bold*.)
- Power hungry contributors, forseeing an upcoming retirement, attempt to popularize themselves by organizing brown-nose birthday surprises.
- Ninth “Matlock” topic this month.
- Yesterday’s list had its left turn signal on for 6 hours.
- Stops using Viagra jokes in his lists because they just hit too close to home.
- Ninth #1 in a row for new contributor Angela Lansbury.
- Fondly remembers the old days when they distributed the Top5 List via coded jungle drums.
- One day he’s convinced himself that his cubicle job is temporary; the next day he’s getting a gold watch and a Xerox of his naked buttocks at his retirement party.
- New hair… and you ain’t exactly in puberty, Chester.
- Yesterday: A bright young man with dreams of becoming one of the Internet’s best comedy list moderators, because if he can bring a smile to just one person’s face every day, then he’s done his job. Today: Just old and bitter.
- Have you noticed there’s no Top 5 Lists skewering the AARP? Coincidence? I think not.
And the Number 1 Sign Your List Moderator Is Getting Old…
- “Top 5 Signs You’re Losing Your Memor… umm… Top 5 Signs….”
.
CREDITS
Selected from 142 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 1 (5th #1)
- Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 2
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NYorida — 2
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 2 (Hall of Famer)
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 3
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, S.F.,CA — 4 (Hall of Famer)
- Peter Bauer, Rochester, NY — 5
- Matt Chaput, Calgary, Alberta, Canada — 6, 9
- Beth Kohl Feinerman, Chicago, IL — 7, 18
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 7
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — 8
- Hizzoner Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 8
- Andrew Thomas, Omaha, NE — 8
- Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA — 8
- Peg Warner, Exeter, NH — 8
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 8
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL — 9, 20
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 10, 19
- Lisa Oliver, London, England — 11
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 12, 14
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 13, 16 (Hall of Famer)
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 15
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 17
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — Banner Tag
- Lotsa Contribs — Topic
- Geoff Brown, Farmington Hills, MI — Today’s List Moderator
- Beth Kohl Feinerman, Chicago, IL — Today’s List Moderator
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — Today’s List Moderator
- Chris White, New York, NY — Birthday guy
- Rolling Stones, London, England — Ambience
T5Jul2198.shtml
