The list for July 16, 1997
The Top 15 Signs Your Librarian is Nuts
- Entire library stock replaced by 50,000 copies of "Yes, I Can" by Sammy Davis, Jr.
- Half-dozen recently-extracted tongues stapled to the "Quiet Please" sign.
- Recommends Kato Kaelin’s book.
- Instead of scanning barcode on book at checkout, seductively licks the inside cover.
- Library only has two sections: "Limbaugh" and "Liddy."
- Inserts boudoir photos of herself in copies of Gray’s Anatomy.
- When you ask for an appendix, she winks suggestively and shows you her scar.
- Replaces the overdue book fine with canings from the "Rod of Literary Tardiness".
- Files Art Buchwald under "Humor"
- Always doing donuts with the bookmobile in the video store parking lot.
- No matter what book you ask for, she hands you a piece of toast and a Q-tip.
- Uses the "Dewer’s Decimal System", which involves regular belts of scotch.
- Instead of a simple "Shhhh", uses a bullhorn to say, "One more sound and I cap yo’ ass!"
- Flashes patrons and yells, "Hey! Check *this* out!"
And the Number 1 Sign Your Librarian is Nuts…
- Leans over to whisper something and bites off half of your right ear.
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CREDITS
Selected from 119 submissions from 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 1 (11th #1)
- Martell Stroup, Reno, NV — 2
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 3
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 3, 6
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 4
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 5
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 7
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 8
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 8, Topic
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 9
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 10
- Matt Alford, Portland, OR — 11
- Bo Williams, Huntsville, AL — 12
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 13
- Mark Schmidt, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- Matt Loiselle, Detroit, MI — 15
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — Topic
- David Scott, Kansas City, MO — Runner Up list name
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
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