Signs Your Kid Will Grow Up to Be a Criminal

The list for November 7, 1996

The Top 17 Signs Your Kid Will
Grow Up to Be a Criminal

Always banging her cup against the crib bars.
His imaginary friends? “Vinny the Bull” and “Sluggo.”
Your garage has more freshly-painted bikes than Toys’R’Us.
Enjoys wearing her mom’s hosiery – over her head.
Other neighborhood kids starting to put “The Club” on their Big Wheels.
Her “Weebles” keep knocking over the Playskool bank.
Throws temper tantrum when you refuse to let him “bust Lenny outta the joint.”
Always willing to trade hotels on Boardwalk for “Get Out of Jail Free” card.
“Squealers” usually end up floating face down in his Mr. Turtle pool.
Uses lemonade stand as front to sell your jewelry.
Wears nothing but rodent Garanimals and Unabomber Underoos.
Shaves her Ken doll’s hair into Mohawk to make homemade Travis Bickle action figure.
Hasn’t taken her first step yet, but has already “taken the fifth.”
Just landed a guest spot on “Different Strokes.”
Stubbornly refuses to put the cat back together.
Daily breakfast ritual: a little hair of the dog and a fresh stogie.

And the Number 1 Sign Your Kid Will Grow Up to Be a Criminal…

CREDITS

Selected from 142 submissions by 32 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

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