The list for March 9, 1998
The Top 16 Signs Your Janitor
is Not a Mathematical Genius
is Not a Mathematical Genius
- Only 47 different locks in the building, but 150 keys on his key ring.
- He’s wallpapered the boiler room with old lottery tickets.
- For some reason, counting to five often involves a journey into the double digits.
- Uses WD-40 instead of Formula 409 when cleaning windows because "them big numbers is mighty scary."
- The two quarters, two dimes and "pretty rock from the parking lot" he gave you as change for a dollar.
- When told to provide two rolls of toilet paper for all five bathroom stalls asks how many toilets that would be.
- Despite lowering his trousers, still can’t seem to count past 21.
- Take-home pay per week: $300. Price of keeping his kids in Nikes per week: $400.
- Somehow thought he’d be getting more from his divorce settlement with Rosanne.
- Says he enjoyed Wrestlemania X so much, he can’t wait for Wrestlemania Y.
- Thinks "circumference" is a Jewish ritual and "denominator" a Schwarzenegger movie.
- His greatest math accomplishment? Formulated "Vern’s Theorem" — E=TP squared (Everyone loves an extra roll of toilet paper!)
- His "Liquid Plumber" requires precisely one 6-pack and a 30-minute wait.
- Couldn’t remember so he had "2 parts water, 1 part Spic ‘N’ Span" tattooed on his forearm.
- His "miracle cleaner"? 40% Mr. Clean and 90% water.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Janitor is Not a Mathematical Genius…
- He tries to measure Minnie Driver’s head with anything less than a yardstick.
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CREDITS
Selected from 123 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Michelle Burke, San Francisco, CA — 1 (1st #1!)
- Barry T. Smith, Boulder Creek, CA — 2
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 3
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 4
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 5
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 6
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 7
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 8
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 9
- Jay Allen, Long Beach, CA — 10
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 10
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 11
- John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 12
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 13
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 13
- William Gray, San Jose, CA — 14
- Craig Stacey, Lisle, IL — 14
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 15
- Gregory Swarthout, Murray, UT — 15
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 16
- Richard Auslander, San Francisco, CA — Topic
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — Banner Tag
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — RU list name
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- XTC, Swindon, England — Ambience Hall of Famers!
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