The list for February 10, 1997
The Top 16 Signs Your Hair is on Fire
- You receive a mysterious employment offer from the “Fantastic Three.”
- For a brief moment, you forget about those flaring hemorrhoids.
- Moose and squirrel lead exodus of singed forest creatures to refuge in your pants.
- Stoners’ remark about your “trippy hat, dude.”
- Blistered wood paneling in your double-wide.
- Julia Child flambes crepes in your Stetson.
- Your Cocoa Krispies have that charcoal-broiled head lice taste.
- Flight attendants repeatedly remind you that this is a non-smoking flight.
- A jealous Don King puts a gun to your head and demands to know your secret.
- Your team dumps Gatorade on you in the 1st quarter.
- For some inexplicable reason, you just wish it would rain.
- Strange urge to bleach skin, buy a llama, and “befriend” little boys.
- No matter which lane you drive your convertible in, that damn firetruck is still behind you.
- Smokey the Bear keeps crapping on your bald spot.
- Suddenly, your date, Tori Spelling, exhibits a *second* facial expression!
And the Number 1 Sign Your Hair is on Fire…
- Someone always seems to hoist you overhead during “Freebird.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 126 submissions from 45 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 1, 9 (2nd #1)
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
- Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 3, 11
- Steve Maybo, Carlsbad, CA — 4
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 5
- Anna Chin-Williams, Oakland, CA — 6
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 7
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 8
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 8
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 9
- Alan Wagner, Bayside, WI — 10
- Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 12
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 13
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 14
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 15
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 16
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — Topic
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