The list for January 10, 1997
The Top 17 Signs Your Football Team
Is in Trouble with the Law
(Part II)
Is in Trouble with the Law
(Part II)
- You have a locker room full of striped shirts *before* the refs arrive.
- No more “shotgun” offense because it violates the quarterback’s probation.
- Players hear “3 strikes — you’re out!” more often than the Mets do.
- Mascot’s head keeps turning up in owner’s bed.
- Latest trick play has wide receivers breaking for state line.
- Fearing repercussions, sexual harrasment attorney advises star wide receiver to refrain from “huddling.”
- Outraged O.J. makes public statement decrying players’ “morally reprehensible behavior.”
- 40-yard dash times cut in half since coach replaced his whistle with police siren.
- Wide receiver would have made that big catch if not for the parole officer handcuffed to him.
- Team mascot is Rusty the Bailiff from People’s Court.
- Numbers on some jerseys are 9 digits long.
- Quarterback always wipes his prints off the ball before passing.
- Third string made up entirely of guys in suits who keep speaking into their lapels.
- Promotional ad for your next televised game uses the phrase, “As seen on COPS!”
- Fewer arthroscopic surgeries, more court-ordered castrations.
- Forget Reebok and Nike — *your* team’s footwear is courtesy of Bruno Magli.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Football Team Is in Trouble with the Law…
- Your team has been invited to Colombia to play in the 1st Annual Cartel Bowl.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 144 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bob Mader, Knoxville TN — 1 (1st #1!)
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 2
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 3
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 4
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 5, 17
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 6
- Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 7
- Paul J. Lancaster, Blacksburg, VA — 8, Topic
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 9
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 10
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 11
- Kate d’Oliveira, Ft. Lauderdale, FL — 12
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 12
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 12
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 13
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 13
- Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 14
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 15
- Robyn Andrews, Greenville, SC — 16
- Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 16
- Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 17
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 17
- Ken Shinodo, Keizer, OR — 17
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 17
T5011097
