The list for September 5, 1997
The Top 16 Signs Your Driving
School Instructor is Nuts
School Instructor is Nuts
- Claims "road rage" was his idea.
- Touch his dashboard Jesus? Ride home in the trunk.
- Makes you stop at every fire hydrant so he can urinate on it.
- She conducts lane change practice in her Jacuzzi.
- Conducts the first week’s lessons in two chairs using imaginary driving motions and engine sounds.
- Insists on sitting in back seat & being called "Miss Daisy."
- Keeps stopping in the middle of your lesson to deliver pizzas.
- Fails you unless you can get the airbag to pop.
- Instead of emergency brakes on his side of the car, he has a passenger-side accelerator and a mini bar stocked with Wild Turkey and Ho Ho’s.
- Has "P – R – D – 2 – 1" painted on his fly and keeps yelling, "Shift!"
- Has a working saw blade on the hood and mutters about "fixing Speed Racer for good".
- Immediately fails you because his Carmen Miranda-style hat doesn’t fit in your Escort.
- Day One: "Chinese Fire Drills", "Basic Mooning Techniques" and "Reloading a 9mm at 90 mph."
- Always divides class into "shirts" and "skins."
- he yells "England," you’re supposed to start driving on the other side of the road.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Driving School Instructor is Nuts…
- Insists you turn off the headlights and "use the Force."
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CREDITS
Selected from 106 submissions from 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 1 (1st #1!)
- Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 2, 9, Topic
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 3
- Kris Johnson, Burbank, CA — 4
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 4
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 4
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 5, 13
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 6
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 7
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 8
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 8
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 10
- Cathie Walker, Victoria, BC, Canada — 11
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 12, 14
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 15
- Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 16
- Tom White, Mississippi State — Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
- Fine Young Cannibals, London, England — Ambience
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