Signs Your Dog Has a Problem With Alcohol

by | Feb 12, 1997 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for February 12, 1997
The Top 15 Signs Your Dog
Has a Problem With Alcohol

  1. Wakes up looking for a little hair o’ the human who bit him.

  2. Won’t go near that darn chuck wagon, but when the bar cart rolls through, he’s off like a shot.

  3. Lately, you’ve noticed that he’ll even hump a really UGLY leg.

  4. No matter what you throw for him to fetch, always returns with a bottle of Cuervo and a lime.

  5. Chases pink elephants around the yard instead of squirrels.

  6. The only game she’ll play with you is “Quarters.”

  7. Spends more time hugging the toilet bowl than actually slurping from it.

  8. Sells house, moves to Vegas, shacks up with beautiful hooker.

  9. Justifies quantities consumed by reasoning that they are in “dog beers.”

  10. When he hikes his leg at the fireplug he keeps falling over backwards.

  11. Won’t drink out of the toilet unless there’s an olive in it.

  12. Just signed to do a remake of “Old Yeller” with Kelsey Grammer and Robert Downey, Jr.

  13. After a few too many at the office party, tries to pick up the boss’s bitch.

  14. “Ri *ruv* you, man!!”
And the Number 1 Signs Your Dog Has a Problem With Alcohol…

  1. He used to bark — now he just belches the chorus to “Louie, Louie.”
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CREDITS
Selected from 137 submissions from 50 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 1 (3rd #1)
  • Christopher Troise, New York, NY — 2
  • Michael Wolf, Brookline, MA — 2
  • David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 3
  • Paul Seaburn, Houston, TX — 4, 5
  • Jennifer Ritzinger, Seattle, WA — 4
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 4
  • Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 4
  • Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 6
  • Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 7
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 8
  • Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 9
  • Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL — 9, 15
  • R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 10
  • Marianne Tatom, Austin, TX — 11
  • Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 12
  • Gail Celio, Athens, GA — 12
  • Bill Gray, Waterloo, Ontario, Canada — 13
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 13
  • Mitch Patterson, Atlanta, GA — 13
  • Jim Louderback, Boston, MA — 14
  • Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 15
  • Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 15
  • Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — Topic
T5021297