The list for July 9, 1996
The Top 18 Signs Your Doctor Doesn’t Like You
- Tells you that smoking is no more harmful than drinking milk.
- Anesthesia? A shot of Wild Turkey and a good swift karate chop.
- Keeps “accidentally” losing his rectal thermometer.
- For cerrosis of the liver, recommends “the hair of the dog that bit you.”
- Insists she can do the entire examination over e-mail.
- Attempts wart removal with a power sander.
- Has you lie down and instructs the nurse to “fetch me a big ol’ IV of pork drippin’s.”
- Keeps your tongue depressor in his loafers.
- Second opinion? You have 6 months to live AND you’re a crybaby.
- After the physical? Never calls, never writes.
- Bill reads, “Balance due right now, or we’ll tell everyone about the herpes.”
- After weighing you, shouts out “245! We have a winnah!!”
- Makes you stay until you’ve found ALL the hidden objects in Highlights magazine.
- Says, “Take two aspirin and call someone who gives a damn in the morning.”
- Gives you 30 seconds to live, then says he’ll be right back.
- While you’re under anesthesia, tattoos “Danger: Gas!” on your butt.
- Warms up his stethoscope on a blazing hibachi.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Doctor Doesn’t Like You…
- Gives, rather than takes, urine specimens.
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CREDITS
Selected from 126 submissions by 41 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR — 1
- Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 2
- Ken Woo, Encinitas, CA — 3, 16
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 4
- Dave George, Arlington, VA — 5, 7
- Randy Wohl, Ma’ale Adumim, Israel — 6
- Brad Schreiber, Los Angeles, CA — 8
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 9, 13
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 10
- Chris McKenna, Malibu, CA — 11
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 12, Topic
- Spike Jones, Atlanta, GA — 14
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 15
- Tom Louderback, Breckenridge, CO — 17
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 18
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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