The list for May 22, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your Company Is Planning a Layoff
- CEO frequently overheard mumbling, "Eeny, meeny, miney, moe."
- Your workday consists of coming in at 10, thinking up TopFive entries with 30 of your coworkers, then leaving at 4.
- Dr. Kevorkian hired as "Transition Consultant."
- Windows shutdown screen reads, "It’s Now Safe to Start Looking for Work."
- Company softball team downsized to chess team.
- Sudden proliferation of teen-age geek interns.
- Your boss keeps asking you when he can "show your cubicle."
- Company president now driving a Hyundai.
- Annual company holiday bash moved from Sheraton banquet room to abandoned Fotomat booth.
- Old Milwaukee is the beer of choice at company picnics.
- Guard at front desk nervously fingers his revolver whenever you pass by.
- Giant yard sale in front of corporate headquarters.
- Babes in Marketing suddenly start flirting with dorky personnel manager.
- Employee Discount Days discontinued at Ammo Attic.
- Company dental plan now consists of pliers and string.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Company Is Planning a Layoff…
- President begins weekly meetings, "Good morning, you ignorant bastards."
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CREDITS
Selected from 85 submissions by 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Caroline Gennity, Queens, NY — 1, 4
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 2 (Hall of Famer)
- Mitch Patterson, Melbourne, FL — 3
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 5, Topic
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 6 (Hall of Famer)
- Alkes Price, Philadelphia, PA — 7
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 8, 15
- JB Leibowitz, Oakland, CA — 9
- Lemon/Rinaldi, San Francisco, CA — 10
- Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 11
- Gail Celio, East Lansing, MI — 12
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 13
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 14
- Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 14 (Rookie!)
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 16 (Rookie!)
- Chris White, San Diego, CA — List moderator
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