The list for November 8, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your Cat Is Overweight
- Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
- Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
- Always lands on her spleen.
- Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
- Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
- No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
- Anna Nicole Smith fits through your kitty door without the aid of lubricants.
- Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
- Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
- It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
- "Steals breath" from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.
- Larry King keeps trying to kiss it full on the lips.
- Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
- He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
- Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Cat Is Overweight…
- Has more chins than lives.
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CREDITS
Selected from 117 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1, 2, 16 (2nd #1)
- Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 2, 16
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 2, 15
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 3, Topic
- Lee Oeth, San Diego, CA — 3
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 4
- Craig Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 5
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 6
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 7, 15
- Blair Bostick, Alexandria, VA — 8
- Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 9
- Sterling Smith, Houston, TX — 10
- John Voigt, Chicago, IL — 11
- Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 12
- Dee Anne Phillips, Shreveport, LA — 13
- Matt Diamond, Holland, PA — 13
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 14
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton MA — 15
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 16
- Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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