Signs Your Cat Has a Personality Disorder

by | Oct 2, 1996 | Uncategorized | 0 comments

The list for October 2, 1996
The Top 16 Signs Your Cat
Has a Personality Disorder

  1. Couldn’t muster up sufficient disdain if all nine lives depended on it.

  2. You’ve repeatedly found him in the closed garage, hunched over the wheel of your running Buick.

  3. Sits for hours in fascination while listening to Bob Dole.

  4. Teeth and claw marks all over your now-empty bottles of Prozac.

  5. No longer licks paws clean, but washes them at the sink again and again and again…

  6. Continually scratches on the door to get in. The OVEN door.

  7. Doesn’t get Garfield, but laughs like hell at Marmaduke.

  8. Rides in your car with its head out the window.

  9. She’s a dues-paid, card-carrying member of the Reform Party.

  10. You realize one day that the urine stains on the carpet actually form the letters N-E-E-D T-H-E-R-A-P-Y.

  11. Has built a shrine to Andrew Lloyd Webber entirely out of empty 9 Lives cans.

  12. Spends all day in litterbox separating the green chlorophyll granules from the plain white ones.

  13. After years of NPR, Tabby is suddenly a Ditto-Puss.

  14. Sullen and overweight, your sunglass-wearing cat shoots the TV with a .45 Magnum when it sees cartoon depictions of stupid or lazy felines.

  15. Your stereo is missing, and in the corner you find a pawn ticket and 2 kilos of catnip.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Cat Has a Personality Disorder…

  1. Makes an attempt on “First Cat” Socks’ life in a pathetic attempt to impress Jodie Foster.
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CREDITS
Selected from 105 submissions by 32 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 1, 16 (9th #1)
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — 1, 9 (2nd #1)
  • George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 2, 5
  • Rebecca Smith, Dallas, TX — 2
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 2
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 3, 6
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 3, 7
  • Chris Gleason, Germantown, MD — 4
  • Kermit Woodall, Richmond, VA — 5
  • Robin Starveling, Dallas, TX — 8
  • Jennifer Hart, Arlington, VA — 10
  • Robyn Andrews, Greenville, SC — 11
  • Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 12
  • Paul Schindler, Orinda, CA — 13
  • Kathleen Buchanan, Tuscaloosa, AL — 13, 15
  • Matt Alford, Salem, OR — 14
  • Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 16
  • Janet Tomkins, whereabouts unknown — Topic
  • Chris White, NY, NY — Listmeister
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