Signs Your Bachelorette Party Isn’t Going Well

The list for July 22, 1998
The Top 13 Signs Your Bachelorette
Party Isn’t Going Well

  1. The male stripper you hired is moonlighting to supplement his full-time Sumo wrestling income.

  2. Too much purging, not enough bingeing.

  3. Obviously confused about your instructions, the dancer shows up wearing LEPER skin.

  4. Someone spiked the punch with Summer’s Eve.

  5. The traditional game of “Famous Politicians I’d Sleep With” just took a turn for the serious with the arrival Mr. Starr and his subpoenas.

  6. All those bags of WOW potato chips and Diet Sodas have given new meaning to the term, “spotting.”

  7. You knew that Daddy had taken a night job. You didn’t know that Daddy’s new job title was “Danny, the Firehose Dude.”

  8. One of your friends shows up late with the excuse that she had to give a quickie to some guy getting married next week.

  9. You really didn’t want your boss to “honor” you by volunteering to strip, but how can you say no to the President of the United States?

  10. On your way to jail, you decide that ripping the pants off that “stripper” cop wasn’t such a good idea.

  11. Misunderstanding at entertainment agency results in a special appearance by Chip and Dale.

  12. Your water breaks.
And the Number 1 Sign Your Bachelorette Party Isn’t Going Well…

  1. That damn Martha Stewart forgets to bring the pubic topiary centerpiece.
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CREDITS
Selected from 100 submissions from 38 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:

  • Marsha Clodfelter, Corpus Christi, TX — 1 (8th #1)
  • Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 2, 6, Banner Tag
  • M.J. Finan, Cleveland, OH — 2
  • Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 3 (Hall of Famer)
  • Boyd Johnson, San Diego, CA — 3
  • Glenn Marcus, Washington, DC — 3
  • Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 3
  • John Treusch, Burlington, NJ — 3
  • Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 3
  • Marshal Perlman, Minneapolis, MN — 4
  • Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 5 (Hall of Famer)
  • Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 7
  • Ed Brooksbank, Sacramento, CA — 8
  • David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 9
  • Andrew Hicks, somewhere in MO — 10
  • Rick Welshans, Alexandria, VA — 11
  • Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — 12 (Hall of Famer)
  • Paul Paternoster, Los Altos Hills, CA — 13 (Hall of Famer)
  • Doug Johnson, Santa Cruz, CA — Topic (Hall of Famer)
  • Karen Hochman, whereabouts unknown — Copyright Suggestion
  • Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
  • Tina Turner, Nutbush, TN — Ambience
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