The list for April 11, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You Won’t Win The Masters
- You like to start each round with a little lecture on the evils of racist country clubs.
- You steadfastly refuse to conform by using the big end of the club like everyone else.
- Tiger: sponsored by Nike. You: sponsored by Payless.
- You beat the snot out of the last Club Pro who asked to see your “short puts.”
- In your case, “Tin Cup” refers to drug test paraphernalia.
- You’re still annoyed at how all your golf stick thingies have different size metal end thingies on them.
- Greg Norman trips you as you leave his house.
- A hoe and a trip to the nursery required to replace your divots.
- Your new Reebok spikes have 5″ heels and ankle straps.
- Only eagle you ever shot ended up in Granny’s stew.
- Constant fear that a dingo will eat your children causes you to blow it in the final round.
- You thought Jack Niklaus was great in The Shining.
- Two weeks worth of practicing at your local course, and that damn windmill is still kicking your ass.
- You screwed up and wore plaid and plaid, not plaid and stripes.
- It goes against your very nature to limit your strokes.
And the Number 1 Sign You Won’t Win The Masters…
- Your golf clubs are now the legal property of the Goldmans.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 132 submissions from 46 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- John Hering, Alexandria, VA — 1 (8th #1)
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 1, 4 (4th #1)
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 2
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 3
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 4, 9
- R.M. Weiner, Brighton, MA — 4, 15
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 4
- Ward Bahner, Kansas City, MO — 4
- Jennifer Bieneman, Grand Rapids, MI — 4
- Jose Antonio Coa, Caracas, Venezuela — 4
- Kim Moser, New York, NY — 5
- Tony Hill, Minneapolis, MN — 6, 16
- Alkes Price, Philadelphia, PA — 7
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — 7
- Matt Alford, Portland, OR — 8
- Barbara McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI — 10
- Phil Doyle, Mercer Island, WA — 11
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 12
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 13, Topic
- Jeff Johnson, Daly City, CA — 14
T5041197
