The list for December 19, 1997
The Top 15 Signs You Won’t Be Time
Magazine’s Man or Woman of the Year
Magazine’s Man or Woman of the Year
- You were awfully rude to "Judy at Time/Life" when she tried to renew your subscription.
- Stringy hair and bad makeup can be overlooked, but the fact that the President won’t apologize ruins your chances.
- George Clooney? The Sexiest Man Alive. You? Alive.
- Due to your well-publicized sexual habits, you’ve already been picked as the American Dental Association’s Man of the Year.
- Even the Guinness people don’t care about you setting the record for stuffing Vienna Sausages in your mouth.
- Because, in a moment of weakness, you sold your Nobel Prize for some crack.
- You can no longer count on the recommendation of Coach Carlesimo.
- Wouldn’t be able to smile for the cover shot without showing that piece of ear stuck in your teeth.
- Time’s Woman of the Year: Cures cancer after years of study and research. You: Barely pass driver’s test on 8th try.
- The line in Vegas has you at eighty quadrillion to one.
- No matter how nice it looks, restocking the shelves at the Piggly Wiggly according to color and can size always gets overlooked by selection committee.
- Out of 5,000 east coast Amway sales reps, you ranked dead last.
- Only half of the population viewed your assassination attempt of Tony Robbins as a great humanitarian effort.
- Most newsworthy accomplishment involves video of you steering a boat with your "John Henry."
And the Number 1 Sign You Won’t Be Time Magazine’s Man or Woman of the Year…
- Hey, Chester, lotsa guys have bowled 300 — even some with *no* criminal record.
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CREDITS
Selected from 137 submissions from 49 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 1 (15th #1)
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 2
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 3
- Duncan Carling, San Francisco, CA — 4
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 5
- Denis Rubin, Los Angeles, CA — 6
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 7
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 8
- Beth Kohl, Chicago, IL — 9
- Barry T. Smith, Boulder Creek, CA — 10
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 12
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 13
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA — 14
- Sam Evans, Charleston, SC — 15
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — Topic
- Pam Howell, somewhere in Florida — Banner Tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/moderator
- Pink Floyd, London, England — Ambience
T5121997
