The list for August 11, 1998
The Top 13 Signs You Were Switched at Birth
- You don’t look anything like Mary and Joseph.
- No one else in the family is white, except for Uncle Jacko and his wife.
- Unlike everyone else in your backwoods, redneck, trailer-park family, it is your ambition to become the President of the United States.
- No one else in your nomadic tribe seems to share your love of collecting Beanie Babies.
- The way your dad always says, "Aye, you’ve a bonney wee Afro, m’lad."
- You think Kathie Lee’s REAL children would have to turn out 200 blouses per hour?
- Your dad: astronomy professor at M.I.T. You: Almost starved to death when you got a cue ball stuck in your mouth.
- Your family celebrates your graduation from high school by butcherin’ a hog and tappin’ the still.
- Sober, monogamous, and a Kennedy? Hmmm…
- Your dad, Mr. Hawking, shows little if any enthusiasm for your burgeoning career as a pro wrestler.
- You bear an uncanny resemblance to the President of the United States, but hell, so do a lot of kids in Arkansas.
- Your brothers, Alec, Billy, Daniel and Steven, also work in film, but you’re the one who manages a Fotomat.
And the Number 1 Sign You Were Switched at Birth…
- You: All-State linebacker
Your father: President of Microsoft
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CREDITS
Selected from 76 submissions from 33 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- JB Leibovitch, Oakland, CA — 1 (1st #1!)
- Daniel Weckerly, Limerick, PA — 2
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 3
- Alexander Clemens, San Francisco, CA — 4
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 5, 12
- Larry G. Hollister, Concord, CA — 5, Runner Up List Name
- Dave Henry, Slidell, LA– 6
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 7, 10, 12 (Hat trick!)
- Don Swain, Pontiac, MI — 8
- Bill Muse, Seattle, WA — 9
- Peter Rogers, Boston, MA– 11
- Lloyd Jacobson, Washington, DC — 12
- Kim Moser, New York, NY– 12
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 13
- Alan Smithee, Sugar Land, TX — Topic
- Lori Carmona, Manassas, VA — Banner tag
- Chris White, New York, NY — List owner/editor
- The Thompson Twins, London, England — Ambience
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