Signs You Shouldn’t Have Joined the Marines

The list for February 27, 1997

The Top 15 Signs You Shouldn’t
Have Joined the Marines

Your concept of discipline involves leather and Mistress Martha.
Other recruits laugh every time you play your “Sweatin’ to the Oldies” video.
You think a few spots on a floor is just fine.
Annual Marine “Toys for Tots” drive expects you to donate your Tickle Me Elmo.
Try as you might, you just can’t seem to properly accessorize a crew cut.
Uniform doesn’t land you as many chicks as the UPS delivery guy’s.
After digging foxholes, nobody wants to play in your “fort.”
The “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy doesn’t extend to your intestinal condition.
Your only previous firearms experience was with your mother’s cookie gun.
They may be just your “special wings,” but the priest back home is convinced you’re stigmatic.
Your idea of “roughing it”? Tuna melt *without* the dijon.
You discover the Village People already have a military guy.
Your last 20 pushups came from the freezer at the super market.
Unfortunately, you are among the many, the shameful.

And the Number 1 Sign You Shouldn’t Have Joined the Marines…

Instead of a brisk 5-mile run at dawn, you prefer to start your day with a leisurely Macarena at noon.

CREDITS

Selected from 102 submissions from 37 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5022797