The list for November 20, 1996
The Top 15 Signs You
Read Too Many Comic Books
Read Too Many Comic Books
- More than a little disappointed you didn’t get invited to Superman’s wedding.
- Keep memorizing words like “SSPPLLAATT,” “KAPOW” and “BLAMMMMO” for school spelling bee.
- Your resume lists your last three jobs as Defender of the Galaxy, Sidekick to Defender of the Galaxy, and Assistant Manager of Inter-Galactic 7-11.
- You shout, “Curses! Foiled again,” when they forget the catsup at the drive-through.
- You whack your boss over the head with a hammer and are surprised when his head doesn’t pop back into shape.
- Despite repeated attempts to stop speeding cars with your bare hands, neighbors still think you’re just a suicidal lunatic.
- At age 43, you set the regional subscription record for Grit Magazine.
- Your compulsive self-narrative renders you too transparent for a career in real estate or car repair.
- You’re the only one wearing a cape at step aerobics.
- “Holy 40-year-old virgin, Batman!”
- Wife is getting tired of you introducing her as “my trusty sidekick.”
- Most of your sick days are due to “the effects of the earth’s yellow sun.”
- Refusing to admit you’re drunk, you vow revenge on the evil “Flaccidus” for your inability to “perform.”
- Your secret identity keeps drinking all the beer.
And the Number 1 Sign You Read Too Many Comic Books…
- Your attempts at becoming “Danger Cloud” are proving hard on the underwear.
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CREDITS
Selected from 103 submissions by 39 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 1, 12 (5th #1)
- Greg Pettit, Houston, TX — 2
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 3
- George Olson, Colorado Springs, CO — 4
- Jeffrey House, Detroit, MI — 5, 10
- Tisha Stacey, St. Paul, MN — 6
- Joel McClure, Sterling Heights, MI — 7
- LeMel Hebert-Williams, San Francisco, CA — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 9
- Michael Migdol, Osaka, Japan — 11
- Meredith Ogden, Ithaca, NY — 13
- Lev L. Spiro, Los Angeles, CA — 14
- Greg Sadosuk, Fairfax, VA — 14
- Jeff Downey, Raleigh, NC — 15
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — Topic
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