Signs You Need to Find a New Support Group

The list for July 21 , 1997

The Top 16 Signs You Need to
Find a New Support Group

You start to wonder if other Overeaters Anonymous groups stop their meetings for triple-bacon-cheeseburger breaks.
The name: Promise Breakers
“The ‘Making Your Marriage Work’ seminar is happy to introduce our guest speaker, Larry King.”
None of the other sex addicts really understand how tough it is to run the damn country.
The washroom towels at your Kleptomaniacs Anonymous meeting all say, “Holiday Inn.”
“Parents Without Partners” survey: 18 members, 18 beards.
Their 12-step program: “Put your right foot in, take your right foot out, put your right foot in, then you shake it all about…”
Four months and the Nymphomania Group still hasn’t recruited a female member.
Your Heart Attack Recovery Group counselor hasn’t moved in three weeks and is starting to smell a little gamey.
They’ve voted to change their name to “Cathie Haters Anonymous.”
You’re host of the upcoming pool party for your Incontinent Beer-Drinkers Support Group.
Instead of Mars & Venus, leader suggests you get in touch with Uranus.
Their idea of 12 Steps involves two six-packs.
Counselor greets you with, “Well, if it isn’t Princess Pathetic!”
Only half an hour into the meeting, and the keg’s already dry.

And the Number 1 Sign You Need to Find a New Support Group…

Group: Anorexics Anonymous. You: Big chubby guy with an affinity for cheesecake.

CREDITS

Selected from 130 submissions from 51 contributors.

Today’s list authors were:

T5072197