The list for August 28, 1996
NOTE FROM CHRIS:
The Top Five “Open”
Today’s Top Five List was written by the subscribers
of our mailing list. We asked for submissions
and received well over 1,000 of them. The list’s
regular contributors served as our panel of judges.
The Top 20 Signs You Live Too
Close to an Amusement Park
Close to an Amusement Park
- It’s bumper car-to-bumper car traffic at rush hour.
- You have to wait for somebody to hit the target before starting your bath.
- In your wardrobe? Peanuts. In your cornflakes? Peanuts. Under the computer keyboard? More damn peanuts.
- Your insurance policy has a rider to cover an “Act of Goofy.”
- Your kid’s first word is “getchaballoonshere.”
- You can’t afford to buy film for your camera unless you drive to the next county.
- You buy a swingset for your kids and some hoods from Disney pump your garage full of lead as a warning.
- Merry-Go-Round riders constantly yanking out your wife’s earrings.
- There’s a bearded lady in your back yard, and your mother-in-law is out of town.
- You paid for your new Lexus with 43,800,000 skee-ball tickets.
- Can’t leave your driveway without backing over picketing Southern Baptists.
- Your house is on the park map as “Crappyland.”
- Crazy kids hand you a buck, then smash your new Volvo with a sledgehammer.
- Your cat gets a hernia carrying home its last mouse kill.
- Every meal you’ve had for the past two months has been served on a stick.
- Neighborhood hookers require an “E” ticket.
- Scooby and his ‘pesky’ friends search your house for evidence regarding the creepy amusement park owner.
- The name of the damned place is “Six Flags Over Ed Smith.”
- Your “It’s a Small World” insanity plea successfully beats the mass murder rap.
And the Number 1 Sign You Live Too Close to an Amusement Park…
- Despite your most amorous pleas, wife demands hand-stamp before re-entry.
.
CREDITS
Selected from 1,348 submissions by 1,348 contributors!
Today’s list authors were:
- Kathleen Buchanan, Tuscaloosa, AL — 1 (1st #1!)
- Don Dillon, Santa Rosa, CA — 2
- Colin Gray, Dumfries, Scotland — 2
- Patrick Golden, whereabouts unknown — 2
- Ed Smith, Chattanooga, TN — 3
- Theresa Noonan, Highland Park, IL — 4
- Ellen S., whereabouts unknown — 5
- Robert Ostling, Santa Rosa, CA — 6
- Bruce White, Hugo, MN — 6
- Paul Berry, Lake Havasu City, AZ — 7
- Paul Piciocchi, Orlando, FL — 8
- Craig Moe, Chapel Hill, NC — 9
- Dan Angelo, San Bernardino, CA — 9
- Greg O’Neill, Durham, NC — 9
- Don Miller, Marysville, WA — 10
- Elissa Laitin, Newton, MA — 11
- Rick Borchert, Manitoba, Canada — 12
- Jill Rosenberg, New York, NY — 12
- Steve Marcantonio, whereabouts unknown — 13
- Carrie, Manitoba, Canada — 14
- Rich Nicholas, Oxnard, CA — 15
- Marttinen Terhi, whereabouts unknown — 16
- Jeanne W. Stolcis, Falls Church, VA — 17
- Donato Ottolenghi, Milano, Italia — 18
- Michael Hecht, Columbus, OH — 19
- Frank Meek, Austin, TX — 20
T5Aug2896.shtml