The list for September 23, 1997
The Top 16 Signs You Live
in a Really Small Town
in a Really Small Town
- You have an argument with your wife, and the following Tuesday the City Council passes an ordinance taking her side.
- Leaders looking to pump up the census by recognizing multiple personalities.
- The Fire Department keeps borrowing your soda spritzer.
- Police Force armed only with The Club.
- You gotta kill a mess of people in a shooting rampage just to get Katie Couric to notice you.
- Town store runs out of supplies after third day of ATF blockade.
- Dining out requires gettting up enough change for Cheezits and Fanta from the vending machines at the gas station.
- Jury duty every week starting to wear thin.
- Renovation of town sewer system involves digging a new hole and moving the shed.
- Wal-Mart decides to build a 5-acre store instead of a 10-acre store, and only sells gum and raccoon pelts.
- Local Top Five List only has five items.
- Winter snow removal plan consists of the Mayor shaking Morton’s Salt over the town intersection.
- Town’s most eligible bachelor is named “Skeeter.”
- Only 11 Starbucks.
- Only videos at Blockbusters are “Footloose” and “Meatballs II.”
And the Number 1 Sign You Live in a Really Small Town…
- To fill out this year’s varsity football squad, Coach had to father 3 children.
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CREDITS
Selected from 100 submissions from 40 contributors.
Today’s list authors were:
- Don Swain, Lincoln, DE — 1 (1st #1!)
- Chuck Smith, Woodbridge, VA — 2, 4
- Dave Wesley, Pleasant Hill, CA — 3, 13
- Steve Hurd, San Ramon, CA — 3, 15
- Keith Martin, Atlanta, GA — 3
- Patrick New, Chicago, IL — 3
- Paul Paternoster, Redwood City, CA — 3
- Jim Rosenberg, Greensboro, NC — 3
- Troy Roberson, Birmingham, AL — 4
- Barbara Rush, Tulsa, OK — 5, 10
- David Kass, Brooklyn, NY — 6
- Jason Anderson, Birmingham, AL — 7
- Hank Weilevy, Fairless Hills, PA — 7
- Caroline Gennity, Virginia Beach, VA — 8
- David Hyatt, New York, NY — 9
- David W. James, Los Angeles, CA — 11
- Peg Warner, Derry, NH — 12
- Kevin Freels, Sun Valley, CA — 14
- David G. Scott, Kansas City, MO — 16
- Bruce Ansley, Baltimore, MD — Banner Tag
- Debbie Lander, Las Vegas, NV — Topic
- John Mellencamp, Ohio — Ambience
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