Signs You Hired the Wrong Babysitter (Part I)

The list for October 23, 2013

The Top 15 Signs You Hired the Wrong Babysitter
(Part I)

When you show him the beverages in the fridge, he says, "No, not that kind of Coke."
Had the dog put down so it wouldn’t wake the baby.
Your 3-year-old son suddenly has 1370 achievement points on GTA5.
"Oh, by the way, Mr. Johnson, your kid sucks at Texas hold’em."
Asks if you could write down the recipe for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Looks suspiciously like your ex-husband in a wig.
"Yeah, yeah. Ipecac, epi-pen, yadda, yadda. Where do you keep the duct tape?"
Left the baby monitor at the local bar.
Asks if you’re still fertile, "just in case there’s a problem."
Frequently refers to Junior’s "street value."
Brings a tranquilizer gun and asks what time she should "take ’em down."
Wedges your infant firmly in the cushions of your La-Z-Boy, claps her hands twice and declares, "Well, I think my work here is done!"
Casually asks if your children are allergic to ferret meat.
When you comment that your kids can sleep through anything, she asks, "Even web-streamed gangbangs?"

And the Number 1 Sign You Hired the Wrong Babysitter…

CREDITS

Selected from 93 submissions from 33 contributors.

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